I absolutely hate the fact that I thought you were different from all those douche-bag assholes and now looking back I notice all the things that shouldn’t have been, if you were really different.
I want to be famous, I want to be idolized—I want people to look at me and say how good of a job I’m doing.
I hope you see me on a video somewhere when I’m famous and just think about it for a sec.
The perfect memory came back to me today. I don’t know how. I sat on my bed and there was a certain smell that for some reason brought back a feeling from last summer. Would you believe me if I said that the best time I’ve ever had in my life was with you guys playing mario kart? Why is it that when i remember this it feels so different than anything else I can remember…those are just memories but this I can still feel. Its like I’m there, and I can only wish that I could be there right now.
Part of my mind still thinks that this can happen again, and I almost feel sorry for it because it doesn’t realize I can never go back to this moment in time, I can’t even try to re-create it. I hope I can atleast keep this unique feeling stored in my mind for a while longer.
I can’t explain why I strongly desire approval from my astronomy professor. But for now, I’m quite sure she doesn’t even know how to match my face to the papers I’ve been handing in. I know my work shows that I’m doing a good job…but that, to me, is useless because its just a name. Its mine but it could belong to any face in the room so why try to hide the fact that I’m spaceing out when I already have the approval I need on paper.
Its always kind of a dissapointment when you realize that you aren’t actually as good as you thought you were at the one thing you thought you were good at.
today wasn’t the best day, but tomorrow will be better. =]
if i don’t make the decision on what i’m going to do next year after high school then i guess i’m not going to do anything at all. ehh, but i don’t want to do that.
i’ll decide eventually. at the last minute. i’m pretty good at last minute things.
for we do share quite so many inside jokes.
its kinda funny that the whole time i was dating him i still liked you more. i remember when i finally got the courage to talk to you and soon after you started dating the girl of your dreams and i kept talking to you, until we became somewhat good of friends, and despite my desire for your perfect relationship to end, it didn’t, and soon after i started dating a guy…(not quite the guy of my dreams but hey…) and we talked even more. you asked me to hang out and even though my heart jumped i knew that you were still in love with her and i had a boyfriend of my own and it was strictly a “just friends” kinda thing and i guess i have to face the fact that we’ll never be more than that, which is fine i mean even though i’m not dating him anymore, you’re still in love with that girl and there’s nothing i can do about that.
on the plus side, i dyed my hair a crazy bright orange (yay for being spontaneous and weird) and i’m going to pierce a second hole on my ear by myself sometime in the near future.
Mr. know-it-all super-planner money success man,
i would rather live for today and spend little time seeking temporary happiness than working for years to achieve success and money, ultimately long time happiness. (still questionable) I don’t care if you’re 50 and you have all the money in the world because i know that somewhere you wish you would have had a little more fun in the years that you could, and thats why i’m having fun while i can and you’ve got to understand that its a point of view and this is my view, have your own but understand that we are different.