I absolutely hate the fact that I thought you were different from all those douche-bag assholes and now looking back I notice all the things that shouldn’t have been, if you were really different.
I want to be famous, I want to be idolized—I want people to look at me and say how good of a job I’m doing.
I hope you see me on a video somewhere when I’m famous and just think about it for a sec.
The perfect memory came back to me today. I don’t know how. I sat on my bed and there was a certain smell that for some reason brought back a feeling from last summer. Would you believe me if I said that the best time I’ve ever had in my life was with you guys playing mario kart? Why is it that when i remember this it feels so different than anything else I can remember…those are just memories but this I can still feel. Its like I’m there, and I can only wish that I could be there right now.
Part of my mind still thinks that this can happen again, and I almost feel sorry for it because it doesn’t realize I can never go back to this moment in time, I can’t even try to re-create it. I hope I can atleast keep this unique feeling stored in my mind for a while longer.
I can’t explain why I strongly desire approval from my astronomy professor. But for now, I’m quite sure she doesn’t even know how to match my face to the papers I’ve been handing in. I know my work shows that I’m doing a good job…but that, to me, is useless because its just a name. Its mine but it could belong to any face in the room so why try to hide the fact that I’m spaceing out when I already have the approval I need on paper.
[video]
Its always kind of a dissapointment when you realize that you aren’t actually as good as you thought you were at the one thing you thought you were good at.
if i don’t make the decision on what i’m going to do next year after high school then i guess i’m not going to do anything at all. ehh, but i don’t want to do that.
i’ll decide eventually. at the last minute. i’m pretty good at last minute things.
its kinda funny that the whole time i was dating him i still liked you more. i remember when i finally got the courage to talk to you and soon after you started dating the girl of your dreams and i kept talking to you, until we became somewhat good of friends, and despite my desire for your perfect relationship to end, it didn’t, and soon after i started dating a guy…(not quite the guy of my dreams but hey…) and we talked even more. you asked me to hang out and even though my heart jumped i knew that you were still in love with her and i had a boyfriend of my own and it was strictly a “just friends” kinda thing and i guess i have to face the fact that we’ll never be more than that, which is fine i mean even though i’m not dating him anymore, you’re still in love with that girl and there’s nothing i can do about that.
on the plus side, i dyed my hair a crazy bright orange (yay for being spontaneous and weird) and i’m going to pierce a second hole on my ear by myself sometime in the near future.
i would rather live for today and spend little time seeking temporary happiness than working for years to achieve success and money, ultimately long time happiness. (still questionable) I don’t care if you’re 50 and you have all the money in the world because i know that somewhere you wish you would have had a little more fun in the years that you could, and thats why i’m having fun while i can and you’ve got to understand that its a point of view and this is my view, have your own but understand that we are different.